Sophomore Year & Justice

 Wow, I haven't blogged in a while. Everything has changed since my last post. My grades never really helped me enough to get me out of summer school, but I don't mind at all. If you would've told me 2 months ago I had to be stuck in Merryweather High for my summer vacation, I would have jumped in front of a bus right then and there. Mother says suicide is for the weak. She's really been around a lot more now. I finally spoke. Andy, "IT", got arrested on the last day of my freshman year. Justice was served that day. I opened up to Mr. Freeman about everything that happened that night and how I felt afterwards. He knew I was in pain since the day I made the turkey bone tree. Opening up to him freed me. I felt one hundred pounds lighter after explaining to him everything that happened. Once that happened, it was easier to talk to everyone else. People see me differently now.. I'm not the mentally ill girl nobody would dare talk to, I am now the brave girl who stood up and spoke. I'm glad I did, because the bathroom door now had a new post under the "Guys to Stay Away From" list, under Andy Evan's name, someone in orange marker with big bubbly handwriting wrote "Melinda Sordino is my hero. You weren't his first victim, thank you." Seeing this made me feel like an angel. I felt as if I did that girl a favor and released her soul too. If anyone reads this blog and goes through something similar... speak.

FREEDOM!

IT

 I can't sleep once again. I don't get any rest at my house anymore. Lately I've been cutting class. I have a new hide out, a closet. It might be a little smelly, but it's comfortable. It is my own place where I can get away from everyone. My grades are down the drain, but I really couldn't care less. What's the point of getting good grades anyway? So that someday I can end up at a stupid job with co workers who secretly talk behind my back? I'll pass. I think I might consider dropping out and moving. I'd move so far from here, from this city, this state. I'd move so far from IT. IT is the reason for all of this. I have no friends because of IT. I can not speak because of IT. Everyone hates me because of IT! I wish everyone knew the truth. I wish people knew who he really was, what really happened that night... I wish I could just speak.

Silent Screams.

Trees

I've been thinking a lot lately about the topic Mr. Freeman (my art teacher) gave me. Trees. I don't really see much I can do with trees, I've been drawing them since I was young. How complex can it be? Two curved lines for a trunk, and a circle representing leaves. He somehow wants me to find my soul in a tree... I don't understand. I don't even think I have a soul anymore, I don't really say or feel anything. All I feel is pain, anger, frustration? Oh, there's another "not so bad" thing about high school... his name is David Petrakis. He is my hero, and my biology lab partner. I think he's very smart, brave, and someday going to be an excellent lawyer. 

If I was a tree.

Horrible High School

I HATE HIGH SCHOOL. Everything about it is stupid. The teachers, lunch, staff, the building, students, just everything. My English teacher is a freak. She keeps her hair in her face and I can barely understand a word she's saying... Hairwoman. Then there's my History teacher, Neck, I think he's the worst. He's a monster. He gave me a demerit on my first day! All because of that stupid human pole who wasn't watching where he was going. I wish I could have said something, something to make that moment less humiliating. But words couldn't come out of my mouth, something that has been happening to me a lot lately. After the incident the night of the party, I can't make out words. It's like there's something wrong with my throat, or my tongue, or lips. I bite them a lot recently... I can't stop myself. There is one thing that isn't so bad about this new school year, art class.

Night of the party:

In just a few hours I'll be having a crazy time with Rachel at the biggest party of summer! We told our parents her brother was taking us ice skating, we convinced him to take us. This party will completely change my social status in high school from "just a regular irrelevant freshman" to "that new popular girl who every girl in the 9th grade wants to be." - enough blogging for now, I'll be back after my rebellious night out! 

3:48 am- I can't sleep. I can't even think. All I can do is type a few words before I throw my head over my bed and throw up everything I've ever digested. Nobody was home when I got here, mom and dad showed up about an hour ago at different times.. I wonder what they were doing, they obviously weren't with each other. Something bad happened tonight. I want to tell someone right now, but I'm still a little dizzy... and I have bruises everywhere. I can't stop crying, I wish Rachel was here. I didn't call the cops tonight because of the party, something happened AT the party. I can barely manage to keep my eyes open right now, I'll have to keep this blog just to see if someone reaches out. I need help.

Summer before Freshmen year:

I can't wait for the school year to begin! I'm entering a new school, finally in senior high. 9th grade is going to be a piece of cake, especially with my friends there by my side. There's a party coming up soon before school starts, there's going to be seniors. I'm looking forward to being around mature people (like guys who are almost off to college.) At the same time, I feel like such a big change in my life could be a bad thing, after all, my life is pretty perfect. I don't like thinking negatively though, I know my freshman year is going to be great and I'm defiantly looking forward to it.